"Infarction-tastic" is taking a lot longer to write than I thought it was going to, but it will get posted eventually, please watch for it.

mood: bored music: Radiohead

After much worry about not being able to draw the visuals or anything, I have decided to post "Infarction-tastic! the House musical". Not quite done writing it yet, stay tuned.

music: Cyndi Lauper

Got a ton of grocery shopping done yesterday and today and picked up my meds at the drugstore. I'm totally bored now though.

mood: blah music: Velvet Underground

I just got back from the dentist, had to deal with a lot of rude pushy jerks on the bus. I hate the bus. I wish I still had a car, or my roomie still had his car. At least my teeth were OK, no good Hugh pictures in the People magazines in the waiting room though.

mood: bitchy music: Jimi Hendrix

If you want to have really fucking surreal dreams, watch Jeeves and Wooster back to back with the Venture Brothers. yee gods.

mood: awake music: Joy Denalane

Happy Pride day to everybody who is gay, lesbian, bi or trans, or who loves and cares about someone who is!! ♥

mood: artistic music: ELO

I'm really too tired right now to feel much of anything but I had fun last night. I went over to my friends' house and we were supposed to play D&D but my friend who was supposed to be running the whole game never showed up (he didn't even call to say he couldn't make it which is not like him at all). My other friend (whose house it was) tried to call him but she just kept getting his dumb voice mail. So we wound up not playing D&D but we had fun anyway because we just hung out and talked. I hadn't seen a couple of them in a while because they were busy with classes and other things so I was nice to get together with them again. Also, it looks like I might have an opportunity to make some $$$. My friend wants cooking lessons and her parents are willing to pay me for them. Cool. I could use the money.

mood: apathetic music: the Dandy Warhols

I'm gonna go game with some friends of mine later today. I feel a bit iffy about it because it's a new system and I'm fumbling with it a bit and also I haven't gamed with some of these people before. They're my friends and of course I like them a lot, but some people tend to put on very different personalities when they're gaming, just like some people are very nice in social situations but don't play sports with them because they take it way too seriously. Other than that, of course I am looking forward to seeing them.

mood: anxious music: the Dandy Warhols

I'm in a somewhat better mood now than I was yesterday because I went to a really great party last night. I didn't know anybody there but I was at least able to get some good conversations going. I don't like it when you go to a party and don't know anyone there and can't get anybody to talk to you. it was at this cool bar/restaurant called Looney's (yes, that's the real name) and I got about half the people in the bar to toast George Carlin's memory so that was cool. Great music at this party too and the guy working there (I think he may have been an owner or manager) let me sample a nummy dessert just because I showed some enthusiasm for it's being on the menu. Bread pudding, one of my favorites. I can make it at home but I don't do it very often because it's a heart attack in a bowl.

mood: annoyed music: Aricia Mess

I'm not even sure I want to say anything here about why I'm pissed. Let's just say I went to a lot of trouble to do someone a favor that they asked of me and I don't think they even appreciated it.

mood: angry music: Acida

I'm feeling a lot better today. Some friends came over and we played D&D and ate pizza and watched House AND Jeeves and Wooster. here's the last chapter of...

If Looks Could Kill (Part 6)

(a/n: The scene at the end of this gets highly NC-17ish. I couldn't get the cut thing to work properly. You Have Been Warned. Also, there is a reference to something that sounds like it might be physically impossible but it does, in fact, happen, although it's pretty rare.)


Much later, Cuddy called me to her office. "I know you don't work here in an official capacity and I'm not in charge of volunteer workers, so I can't really order you to do anything, but I'd like to ask a favor of you."
"Oh shit, here it comes," I thought. "She's going to tell me to leave House alone."
"House has recovered enough to be discharged from the hospital but he's not sufficiently better to the point where he can really manage completely by himself. If I send an official in-home caregiver over to his place he'll just create as many problems as he possibly can. I want you to do it."
"Isn't he going to object to me doing it?"
"What I'm about to tell you is in the strictest confidence. You are not to tell anybody you know this, especially not House. It was his idea."
House was very quiet on the taxi ride from the hospital to his place but he had his arm around me the whole time. The minute the heavy wooden door closed and the cab drove away he hugged me. I heard a very faint snuffling sound but nothing else; I just held him gently, as I could feel my shoulder where he rested his head getting damp.
Eventually, he let go. "I'm exhausted." He removed his sneakers, socks and jacket but kept everything else on. "I'm gonna go take a nap."
"You don't have any groceries. I can go pick something up and make dinner and it could be ready by the time you get up."
"Most intelligent thing I've heard in a long time." He pulled out his wallet and handed me some bills.
"You've given me way too much, this is three hundred dollars!"
"Who said that was just for tonight?" He kissed me lightly on the lips, hobbled into his bedroom and closed the door.
Later that day when he came out of the bedroom, he saw a large pan of lasagna and a loaf of garlic bread on the table and me on his couch reading.
I smiled right at him. "Hi. I'm sorry dessert's not ready yet."
"I would have been satisfied with a peanut butter sandwich and a can of Campbell's, you didn't have to get takeout!"
"What do you mean 'takeout'? I made this!"
I sort of expected him to pick at his food but he ate heartily, then went from the table to the couch and sprawled on it, looking more relaxed than I'd seen him in a very long time.
I wiped stray sauce from my mouth, put the leftovers in his fridge and went over to his stereo. "You've always had such a great music collection. It OK if I put on some Stones?"
"Go right ahead." I picked Sticky Fingers and put it on.
"I started making chocolate mousse but the way I make it you have to start the day before you're going to serve it so I bought some ice cream too. Don't get up. I'll bring you a bowl."
I handed him a large one and a spoon. "If I recall correctly you like strawberry?"
"I love strawberry. You're not having any?"
"I don't like strawberry."
His eyes looked bigger and sadder suddenly. "Why are you being so nice to me?" he almost whispered.
"Because you deserve it, whether you think so or not."
He sat there and ate the ice cream. I snuggled up to him.
"Wild Horses" started playing on the stereo and I felt as if a classic opportunity had just been dropped into my lap.
I leaned in and kissed him on the lips. He seemed startled but kissed back and it tasted like strawberry and I didn't mind.
We kissed for a really long time, from delicate little pecks to deep, wet French kisses, his arms wrapped around me like he was hanging on for dear life, my hands stroking his back.
"I think we might be a bit more comfortable in your bedroom."
"There's something I need to warn you about. Because of what I've been through physically, I might not be able to get it up," he said as I helped him to his feet. "I don't want you to think this is any kind of a negative reflection on you."
We went into his bedroom and I said, "OK, but I want to try."
We sat down on his bed and he said, "Well, my fingers and tongue still work, I can certainly get you off in that way even if I can't fuck."
I opened his fly and started to pull down his jeans and gently rub the soft skin of his flat belly. He pulled his jeans and underpants down further and I lightly tickled his balls and wrapped my fingers around his cock, caressing the shaft, the foreskin and the head tenderly but firmly. He wasn't getting an erection but I was obviously making him feel really good judging from the breathy little moans he was making. His eyes were closed and his jaw went a bit slack.
Then I heard it, quietly, but very clearly. "Ohhh, Wilson...."
His eyes snapped open and he looked as if he wanted to crawl into a hole. "Shit."
I kissed him tenderly. "It's OK."
"I do not believe I just said that! And you're not even pissed at me?!"
"It was obviously an accident, you've been through pure hell lately. Anyway, I llllike you too much to get pissed at you for something like that." I drew out the "l" in "like" because I was going to say "love" but I chickened out.
"Why are you so attracted to me in the first place?"
"Because you're smart and witty and you don't put up with bullshit and you are not boring and I think down deep you're a decent person under all the nastiness and you're fucking gorgeous and it has nothing at all to do with pity or wanting to 'fix' you."
Long pause. He smiled.
"You've wanted to say that to me for a long time, haven't you?"
"Years, House."
He reached forward and started to pull my shirt off, then leaned in and kissed my cleavage, the feel of his fuzzy stubble on my breasts making me shiver and tingle. I peeled off my bra and he cupped his long fingers around one breast while licking, nuzzling and sucking the other one.
I took off my pants and underpants and he slid his other hand between my legs and rubbed my wet clit. I came really fast but he didn't stop, and I started having multiple orgasms. "Oh my God! Ooooooh, House, yeah!" He took his mouth off my breast and looked up at me with those beautiful big turquoise eyes and then began to kiss a slow, straight line right down my stomach, then paused, gently pushed my labia apart with his hands and gave me light licks and kisses all over before zeroing in on my clit, sucking it and tickling it with his luscious tongue, pushing me over the brink into complete ecstasy.
It took me a little while to recover from this. I took off my glasses and put my tongue over the head of his cock and he whimpered, "More, please." I circled my tongue around it, moving the foreskin back and forth, alternating between that and sucking his cock right down to his dark curly pubic hair. I kept doing this for quite some time, enjoying giving him pleasure, when suddenly his back arched and I tasted his come which surprised me because he didn't have an erection.
I swallowed and raised my head. He smiled, "Yeah, it's unusual but it does happen sometimes." He hugged me.
"I hope you don't mind, Greg," (first time I ever called him "Greg" and it didn't seem to bother him at all) "but I'm getting very tired, I think I wanna get some sleep, so I'll go out to your couch."
"Can't you sleep here with me?"
I kissed his neck. "Sure."

mood: amused music: Javier Alvarez

I am in a ten ton bad mood because I miss George Carlin. He was one of my favorite comedians.

If Looks Could Kill (part 5)

Having finished in the cafeteria, I hurried back to House's room. He had his eyes closed and I thought he was asleep so I entered very quietly but he said, "I know who that is. Hi."
"How did you know it was me?"
"I don't know any other women who smell like almonds and violets. Cuddy usually favors citrusy scents or Chanel and Cameron likes that baby powdery crap." His voice suddenly got rather choked. "I wanna smell Old Spice, dammit. I don't even care if he screams abuse at me."
"Oh shit, he'd better not." House opened his eyes and gave me a look I couldn't quite read (confusing the hell out of me because normally his expressions are so easy to read). "House, I'm sorry if I offended you but I have to tell you I'm not at all happy with him for shutting you out like this."
"Don't confront him about it."
"Foreman's the one to be thanked for that, then, I saw Wilson in the cafeteria and Foreman talked me out of making trouble. My intentions were to defend you but if you're pissed at me do you want me to leave?"
"Please don't leave."
That had to have been the first time he ever said "please" to me.

mood: aggravated music: Aterciopelados

If Looks Could Kill (Part 4)
(finally finished writing it, just not done posting it yet!)

After everything House had been through, I guess I shouldn't have been surprised when he clearly didn't want me to leave; just my being there and offering my observation that he had done everything possible had gotten him to talk and open up a little, but after he had had a death grip on my hand for several hours I was starting to get really hungry.
I spoke in my gentlest tone: "House, I've got to go get something to eat." The pleading look in his eyes almost made me cry. "I promise I'll come right back, OK?"
"OK," he whispered, and sighed, closing his eyes. I kissed him lightly on the cheek and saw that ghost of a smile for a split second and crept out.
In the cafeteria, I got a sandwich and was eating it without much enthusiasm when Foreman walked up to me. "There's something you need to know. Is it all right if I sit down?"
I rather like him, although I think he's pretty neutral towards me. "Sure, Foreman, I guess so."
"If I know Cuddy, she probably didn't tell you this, and House probably isn't in any shape to tell you, but I think you have a right to know."
" If it's about House having gone above and beyond the call to try to save Amber and how rotten he feels that he couldn't, Cuddy already told me about it."
Foreman looked uncomfortable as hell, and I saw Wilson walk into the cafeteria out of the corner of my eye. "I don't think she told you everything." He took a deep breath. "Wilson holds House responsible for Amber's death and he won't even talk to him."
"WHAT?! I'm gonna fucking clock him!" I jumped to my feet. "There's no way it was his fault! Wilson's being a sanctimonious little bastard!" I was ready to go get right up in Wilson's face when Foreman put his hand on my shoulder.
"Calm down! I know how you feel but if you do anything, hospital security will just kick you out and the absolute last thing House needs right now is you not coming back to his room after you told him you would."
I tried hard to restrain myself. Of course Foreman was right, slugging Wilson wouldn't make the situation any better, in fact security would never let me back into the hospital after I pulled a stunt like that.
"You've got a point, I do need to calm down." I sat down again after giving Wilson a daggers look. I'm not even sure he noticed. "Foreman, please talk to me about something else." I took a small bite out of the sandwich.
"Like what?"
"I don't know, anything that'll distract me right now."

(a/n I'm not sure when the remaining chapters will get posted. My schedule may be getting a bit weird in the next couple of days. And, yes, I am one of those "Foreman doesn't get enough to do" House fans.)

mood: accomplished music: Bach

I'm taking a break from baking pumpkin cookies for the atheists' picnic to write the next part of my current House fanfic. (Hey, if church people can have picnics us atheists can too!)

If Looks Could Kill (Part 3)

When I ran into the hospital after Cuddy called me to tell me what had happened, the first person I saw whom I knew was Chase. I was in no mood to deal with him, but I needed to know what room House was in.
"Chase, what--"
"Room 9840."
"Thanks."

(a/n sorry this part is so short but if you want to know what happened next this is around when the events described in "Impunity" happen so if you haven't read it it's in the May 21st entry of this journal. "If Looks Could Kill" is "Impunity"'s companion piece of sorts.)

mood: working music: the Beatles

If Looks Could Kill (Part 2)

I started volunteering with AIDS patients at PPTH. I find it really rewarding and managed to make a lot of friends there. I also got to know some of the staff quite well; Wilson and Cuddy got to particularly like me (once they got over the initial shock).
I only met Amber once.
We hated eachother on sight. House seemed to find this highly entertaining, especially when I observed that the sight of Wilson kissing Amber was about as sexy as a little kid being forced to kiss drunk Grandma.
Then the shit hit the fan.

mood: weird music: the Beatles

If Looks Could Kill (Part 1)
House fanfic, sort of an extension to "Impunity"
It started four years ago. I had just been visiting my friend Steve in the hospital when I noticed some sort of staff Christmas party in the lobby and, not being in a huge hurry to step out into the New Jersey snow falling, attached myself to the periphery.
I heard someone playing the piano pretty badly and for some reason he wasn't playing any Christmas songs.
"Strangers in the night," he sang.
I immediately sang, "exchanging fluids". The guy playing piano, a large black guy, didn't hear me at all but there was a snarkish, throaty, masculine laugh to my immediate left.
I turned and saw a tall thin angular man with very penetrating pale blue eyes, high cheekbones and a devilish grin through about a week's worth of stubble. I thought he was gorgeous. "Well, hi!"
"Hi. You're a smartass, you have a dirty mind and a not-too-shabby contralto singing voice, and I've never seen you here before."
"I don't work here." My instincts told me this guy would not snitch on me for being a party crasher. "I just came here to visit a bud, saw the party and thought I'd take the opportunity to snag some free food and drinks. I've gotten into some pretty interesting places by acting like I belonged there. Boy, this guy is a lousy piano player."
"I've seen him operate, he's not a very good doctor either."
"They should just put on Vince Guaraldi for Christmas, everybody likes him."
"OK, you get points for knowing Vince Guaraldi's name and not just calling it 'Charlie Brown music'. I play a lot better, but I don't play parties, I'm too damn anti-social, and anyway, I put myself through Johns Hopkins playing so damn many parties and bars I'm thoroughly sick of it. I just play for myself now."
"You must be good if you could put yourself through Hopkins doing it. Anyway, I love jazz. Good jazz like Monk and Miles Davis, not that Kenny G crap. My taste in music goes all over the damn map, though, I like everybody from Mozart to the Ramones."
He arched an eyebrow. "Who's your favorite Beatle?"
"I'm a John woman down to the ground." He grinned in response to this. "What's your name?"
"Greg House."
And in this way the strangest friendship I've ever had began.
There's one small problem.
I've fallen in love with him.
I know perfectly well he's not going to respond at all well to that for two reasons.
He doesn't even like very many people. He likes me, but if I told him I was in love with him he'd emotionally rip me a new one.
The other reason is this.
I look like crap.
I've been down this road so many times before that I live on it. My way of dealing with it is to crack a lot of suggestive jokes so if the guy I'm attracted to freaks out I can play the "oh come on I'm only kidding" card.

mood: tired music: the Beatles

My roomie is extremely nice to put up with my moodiness. He's a real sweetheart.
There was a meme making the rounds recently to the effect of: zombies have invaded the mall.
1. what weapon do you use on them?
2. what song do you want playing in the background?
3. what famous person (real life or fictional) do you want as an ally?
I picked the small bazooka/large rifle fireball thingy from my pirate dream, "TV Eye' by Iggy Pop, and House. I liked this idea so much I turned it into a fic. here is:
Iggy Pop Go The Zombies

(House, Wilson, Cameron, Foreman, Chase and Chocolate Frapp are walking through a mall. House is being tolerably rough with a cherry slurpee.)
Foreman: Why exactly are we hanging out in this mall when we're supposed to be working?
Chocolate Frapp: Because SOMEBODY heard Cuddy was planning on going lingerie shopping at Victoria's Secret during her lunch hour. (House sticks his tongue out at Chocolate Frapp.)Oooo, looks like the Rolling Stones logo! (suggestively) Nice tongue, sugarlump!
Wilson: (jealous) Knock it off with that "sugarlump" crap, Chocolate, he's mine!!
CF: Wilson, you're selfish! Anyway, I didn't see you getting all possessive during those group gr--
Chase: Eurggh, TMI!
Foreman: (putting his hands over his ears) LA LA LA LA, I DO NOT HEAR YOU!
(Cameron just looks grossed out. Loud crash.)
House: What the fuck was that?
(Zombies show up, start shambling towards our heroes.)
House: Oh shit! I should have brought my sword cane!
(CF brings out something resembling a cross between a small bazooka and a large rifle.)
CF: Blocked, cocked and ready to rock! (She runs into a store called We Be NRA and breaks the front window. Other people in the mall are too busy trying to run away from the zombies to be put out by her behavior.) Smashie smashie! (She runs back and hands House a tommy gun and starts handing round Glocks to the other doctors. "TV Eye" by Iggy Pop starts playing in the background. CF shoots large fireballs at zombies.)
House: Little help here, Chocolate, grab my shoulder, this bad boy is gonna knock me a little off balance. (He shoots zombies while CF holds his shoulder. Foreman and Cameron also shoot zombies.)
Cameron: House, do you respect me a little more now that you know I can shoot zombies?
House: Sure, but I'm still not gonna have sex with you. (Cameron pouts.)
CF: (voice of Nelson Muntz) Haw haw!
House: (trying to be protective) Wilson, get the hell out of here, you can't deal with this.
Wilson: I'm not going to just leave you here!
House: OK, you wanna make yourself useful, a large chunk of zombie just landed near my right foot. Take it, make your way back to the hospital and get it tested for everything except lupus. (A terrified Hot Dog on a Stick girl runs past Wilson. He grabs her hat without her really noticing and uses it to scoop up the chunk of zombie on the floor. House takes the walkie talkies from two dead security guys and tosses one to Wilson, who catches it awkwardly.)
Call me on this when you get to the hospital and let me know what's going on.
Wilson: You got it. In case we don't make it--(kisses House on the lips. House does not exactly object to this. Cameron pouts, Chase looks ill, Foreman pointedly looks the other way and CF has an "awww, how sweet" expression. "The Ace of Spades" by Motorhead starts playing in the background. Wilson runs out and everyone else besides Chase goes back to shooting zombies. Chase takes the opportunity to go hide behind a planter.)
CF: This music works fairly well for what we're doing anyway.
House: Well, any hardass fast rock would work here.
CF: We're the good guys and we're doing the shooting, though, so they can't fucking play any John Lennon, 'cause he was a good guy who got shot. They fucking trash John's memory like that, I'm gonna make the soundtrack guys sorry they were born!! (House bugs his eyes and looks very taken aback in response to this rant.) Quit making that face, you look like Bertie Wooster. (Fourth Wall loses a large chunk, taking several zombies with it.)
Wilson: (through walkie talkie) Boy Wonder Oncologist to Wounded Alpha Male, come in Wounded Alpha Male.
House: Wounded Alph--whaa? (yelling into walkie talkie, irritated) yeah, Tinky Winky to Barney the fucking dinosaur!! Wilson, what the hell is going on!?
Wilson: I drove to the hospital and dropped off the sample at the lab. I didn't see any zombies on the road--OH MY GOD! THERE'S A ZOMBIE IN THE HOSPITAL!! wait, false alarm, it's only Thirteen. (Both House and CF start laughing. music changes to "Suffragette City" by David Bowie.)
CF: I think we might want to get out of here pretty soon. I think that wall that just partly fell down might have been a supporting wall.
Foreman: You study architecture?
CF: (embarrassed) No, I only know what a supporting wall is from watching Fawlty Towers.
House: What IS it with you and British comedies?! (Fourth Wall loses another very large chunk which falls on several more zombies. A large number of soldiers enter the mall.)
1st Soldier: We've found survivors!
2nd Soldier: We're here to evacuate you and get this zombie situation taken care of. If you'll come with us--
House: (slightly dubious) You're that sure.
3rd Soldier: With all due respect, sir, Iraq makes this look like a kid's birthday party.
4th Soldier: Are there any other survivors here we should know about?
House: Yeah, there's an Aussie chickenshit in a fetal position behind that planter.
5th Soldier: (talking to Chase behind the planter) Sir, come with us, please. Put the teddy bear down sir. (Everybody gets escorted out by the soldiers.)
CF: Hey, I just thought of something! We just beat a stupid bigoted cliche! There are way too many horror movies where the first people to get whacked are black guys, disabled guys, or women who show any evidence of sexuality! We gave that bullshit the axe!
House: (gleeful) Kicked it to the curb!
Foreman: It deserved it! (high fives or hugs exchanged by House, Foreman, CF and Cameron. Some of the soldiers cheer. Chase looks ashamed. All main characters and a few soldiers get in a Humvee and it takes off. House and CF's victory hug and kiss goes on awfully long. The usual shot of the hospital from above, then cut to a hallway in the hospital. Cuddy, carrying a Victoria's Secret bag, walks up to a very nervous looking Wilson.)
Cuddy: Anything happen while I was on my lunch hour?
Wilson: You weren't at the mall?
Cuddy: No, I went to the Victoria's Secret across town. I never go to that mall, it's always too crowded.
Wilson *facepalm*

mood: thankful music: David Bowie

so many of the people I care about are going through bad shit lately. I want to help but feel there's not much I can do.

mood: sympathetic music: the Cryan Shames

A very happy birthday to Hugh Laurie!! i wish I actually knew him personally so I could call him or something. I'm amazed at how readily I've taken to writing House fics since I got onto LJ and how inspired i am by a lot of the other writers on here. I have a humor/horror themed one I'm almost done with and another one that's sort of an extension to "Impunity", both of which I'm going to post here. (There are a bunch of ones I haven't posted but they're a little too self-inserty if you know what I mean. What can I say, Hugh really turns me on no end.) Also thank you to anyone who read my writing and liked it.

mood: surprised music: the Amboy Dukes

Somebody I don't know very well died today and I'm supposed to write something about them. I never know what to say in that sort of situation.

mood: stressed music: Blues Magoos