October 30th, 2010

Nut House

(no subject)

day 16

your favorite House finale

Honeymoon. awesome eppie.

here's my come as you're not fic.


It's-Its

(author's notes: for the uninitiated, an It's-It is a little ice cream that they sell in the SF bay area.
This story is speculation on what might have happened if the bus crash House and Amber were in hadn't occurred.
House is referring to a{possibly apocryphal} story about Queen Victoria not having any idea that lesbians even existed until rather late in life and then, when informed, refused to believe that any women did "that sort of thing".)

"Morgan? It's me, Gabriella. There's been a car accident but I think I'm OK, just a few bruises. I went to the hospital just to be sure. A garbage truck hit my car and totalled it, the garbage man's dead. Don't try to call me back on my cell, it got busted in the wreck. This nice lady named Amber let me use her cell phone. Come and pick me up at Princeton Plainsboro, all right? See you when you get here, sweetheart--" BEEEEEP

Gabriella sighed. She was annoyed with Morgan for having voicemail on and this little old granny lady doctor was getting on her nerves, asking her irrelevant questions.

"Is there any chance you could be pregnant?"

"Definitely not."

"Are you sexually active?"

"Yes."

"Are you using birth control?"

"No, not really."

"Are you trying to get pregnant?"

"God, no."

"Have you or your partner had sterilization?"

"Nope."

"Don't you think there's a risk of unwanted pregnancy?"

Gabriella couldn't help it, she started laughing. "I don't see how that's possible."

"Let me get this straight, you're having sex, but not using birth control or trying to get pregnant and neither of you are sterile?"

Suddenly a tall, thin, rather mean-looking guy with a cane yelled from the other side of the ER, "HEY! QUEEN VICTORIA! YOU CAN'T GET THIS STRAIGHT BECAUSE THEY'RE NOT! MORGAN'S A GIRL!!" He added, a little more quietly, "And it's 'neither of you IS sterile'. Idiot."

Gabriella wasn't sure whether to laugh or get pissed. She stared back at the man but he wasn't paying attention to her anymore, he was engaged in conversation with the cute blonde, Amber, who had let her borrow her cell. They were talking much too quietly for her to hear anything but their facial expressions and body language suggested it wasn't a friendly chat.

Several hours later. Gabriella was in a foul mood when she walked into the bar. She and Morgan had had a big fight, they probably weren't going to break up but that was the last thing Gabriella needed, she may not have been seriously hurt in the car wreck but the experience scared her more than she let on.

She was a little startled to see that mean-looking guy with the cane again but he either didn't notice her or didn't care, he was too busy getting drunk. She sat down at the other end of the bar and decided to do the same thing.

In a couple of hours, she was smashed when she saw Amber walk in. Amber was trying to get Mean Guy(as Gabriella was beginning to think of him) to leave with her. As drunk as she was, Gabriella couldn't help observing that Amber, although she was trying to get Mean Guy to go with her, didn't seem to be acting like she was his wife or girlfriend or any relationship of that sort. Again, she couldn't really hear most of what they were saying, this time because it was too noisy in the bar, but she very clearly heard Amber yell, "I'M GOING TO PROVE I DON'T NEED HIM!" and then she walked away from him over to the jukebox, put money in and punched in a song.

Or rather, two songs, a mashup, specifically of "Weapon of Choice" and "Single Ladies". She then took off the four inch black patent leather strappy heels she had been wearing which looked like something Bettie Page would have picked out, walked over to Gabrielle, and held her hand out.

Before Gabriella knew it they were both standing on the bar and doing something that was another mashup, this one between Astaire and Rogers and a bump and grind. Mean Guy didn't look the least bit upset or shocked by this, in fact he looked very entertained and started cheering and taking pictures with his cell.

When they came to the part of the mashup where Beyonce kept singing, "if you like it then you should have put a ring on it", Mean Guy actually pulled a cock ring out of his pocket and began twirling it around on his finger in time to the music, grinning devilishly, his big blue eyes glinting. Gabriella had only a brief amount of time to be startled by this before being completely distracted by what Amber started to do with her tongue, and the dance routine turned seamlessly into a full on sex show.

Gabriella ended up being both satisfied and shocked at herself (she'd never done anything even remotely like this before) and Amber also seemed satisfied, even smug.

Until she noticed how entertained Mean Guy looked.

"That didn't bother you?" said Amber, putting her white lace bra back on.

House grinned from ear to ear. "It's metaphor time. Sex is like ice cream. Everyone likes it. Everyone just likes a different kind of it."
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