March 20th, 2015

House Wilson Embrace

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Day 10 - One person you can trust

Hughville. This is saying a lot coming from me. I trust very few people.
Here's part one of an insane crossover idea for a fic; House and Archer.

Identity Crisis

(The usual overhead shot of PPTH but it looks like a really well drawn cartoon. We see Lana in a hospital bed with both her legs broken. Pam is visiting her and is eating chocolates out of a box.)
Lana: Why the hell should Archer be my bodyguard?! It's his fault my legs were broken in the first place!
Pam: MMmm, marzipan. Oh, anybody can come out of the bathroom with toilet paper on their shoe.
Lana: Yeah, but very few people would even seriously consider bringing a snake into a movie theater!
(Cut to Mallory Archer's office. She is at her desk yelling at Archer.)
Mallory: And you've got to be the only person in the world who would take the wrong pills on top of everything else!
Archer: Oh, come on, Mother, at least it wasn't a poisonous snake. This assignment is just your passive-aggressive way of punishing me.
Mallory: I haven't begun to get aggressive yet. (hands him a picture)
Archer: Whoa, who's the hot redheaded chick? Daddy like!
Mallory: That's Alizia Wojciech, and she's a Russian spy. She's probably who they're going to send to the hospital to finish off Lana.
Archer: Probably!? How can you second guess this stuff?
Mallory: Because she happens to be the exact lookalike of some tarty young doctor who works at the same hospital in New Jersey that Lana's in. The only obvious physical difference was that the doctor was a brunette, but she recently dyed her hair the same shade of red that Wojciech has naturally.
Archer: So carpet and drapes don't match, huh?
Mallory: Don't be vulgar, Sterling!!
(cut to Lana's hospital room, House and Foreman have walked in. Pam is eyeing House lasciviously. Foreman is taking Lana's blood pressure. House is looking bored and distracted and rummaging around in the candy box.)
House: Damn, Cameron looks hot as a redhead. Ooo, strawberry buttercream! (he eats it)
Pam: You got a pretty mouth!
House: (nonplussed) Whaaaat?
Pam: Sploosh! I'm sorry, did that get on your shoes?
Lana: Where do all these insane white people I work with come from?
Foreman: I hear that, sister.
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