(a/n: written in a few different POVs and formats because I felt like it; the third time is NC-17)
Note to myself: NEVER take House to the hospital picnic again. I could see he was drinking too much beer while I was working the grill. I should have known better when he didn't give me an argument and switched to cherry Coke, but I didn't see him spike it, all I knew was he was suddenly drunkenly flirting with all the women and some of the guys, and by the time I tasted the whiskey in his cherry Coke he was trying to throw olives and peanuts down Cuddy's cleavage. Maybe Nancy, Rebecca and Johnnie think he's being cute when he does that. Nobody else at the picnic thought it was funny. They've wanted to get into his pants for years.
(Scene: Wilson's home in his kitchen, he's at the stove, slicing up onions and carrots and throwing them in a pan. House walks in and gets himself a bottle of Chardonnay from the refrigerator, pours himself a glass, and hovers, staring over Wilson's shoulder.)
Wilson: Don't put that bottle back, I need it for the sauce. In fact if you could get me the cream and chanterelles from the fridge it'd help.
House: What are you making? (hands him the cream carton and chanterelles, successfully not dropping the wine)
Wilson: Rabbit, my friend Jake shot some.
House: (grabbing carrot and nibbling it, doing Bugs Bunny voice) eeeeaaah, what's up, doc? (back to his normal voice) Is Jake that guy you went hunting with who-
Wilson: No, that's not him and please don't bring that up again.
House: (singing to the tune of Janie's Got a Gun) Cheney's got a gun, Cheney's got a gun, Whittington's on the run, not having any fun, if you say the war is through, he might pop a cap in yooooooooooo...
Wilson: (half amused half annoyed) Go sit down.
House stretched out on the lawn chair beside the pool, feeling incredibly relaxed as the Mexican sun warmed his skin.
Wilson walked out of one of the bedrooms carrying a large fruit basket. "See, House, this is the benefit of having friends, sometimes they let you use their beach house when you go on vacation. Josh even left us a bunch of fruit, we've got mangoes, pineapples, apricots, cherries, melons, peaches--I think we need a knife for some of these."
House slowly opened his eyes, reached down into the pocket of his jams, pulled out a scalpel, and efficiently sliced open a mango and began to eat it deliberately with great slurpy pleasure.
"Get a napkin, you're getting juice all over your stubble," said Wilson teasingly.
"Oh, give me a break, Wilson," House replied, but he was smiling broadly. "Part of the fun of eating mangoes is not worrying about getting a little sloppy, just relax and give yourself over to the sensuality of the experience."
Wilson's response to this was to lean over and give House a big kiss on the lips.
House raised his eyebrows but smiled a little more widely. "Delicious. And I wasn't talking about the damn mango. How long have you wanted to do that for?"
"Years, House, years."
"Did I tell you to stop?"
"I'm afraid you're going to make some tacky joke about your dick being a banana or something."
"Even I'm not that bad." House leaned forward and kissed Wilson again, slipping a bit of his tongue in his mouth. Wilson whimpered faintly in ecstasy and lightly flickered his fingers over House's nipples.
"Are you sensitive here?" he whispered in House's ear.
"Oh God, yeah."
"Good." Wilson licked the shell of House's ear, making him shiver. House's hands trailed slowly down Wilson's back, pulling down his Speedos and massaging his ass.
Wilson responded by rubbing House's soft flat belly, pulling down his jams and cupping and tickling his balls, causing House to moan lovingly and thrust upward, rubbing his erection against Wilson's and kissing him more deeply, nuzzling his face and neck.
"I should have called your bluff when you proposed in the restaurant."
I've had a real pisser of a day at work. It started out with the clinic patient who rolled over in bed only to have his cat claw his balls (worst alarm clock ever) and managed to go downhill from there. If someone had told me five years ago that Cameron would be the new dean of medicine I would have laughed my ass off. I don't know what happened to her while she was in Africa with Doctors Without Borders but it toughened her up a lot.
Unfortunately, it also makes it a lot harder for me to bullshit or intimidate her than it used to. There was a time when the idea of me and Wilson together would have freaked her out but she didn't even seem surprised when she found out. And, on top of everything else, I damn near lost a patient.
And, I almost let it slip how I really feel about that.
It fucking near breaks my heart every time something like that happens, but nobody can know that.
I'm so damn relieved to get home. God, what smells so good? My nose is twitching like I was a dog.
"Hi. Dinner will be ready pretty soon. Have a little Grenache." He hands me the bottle and a glass and I pour myself some and give him a little kiss on the forehead.
"What is that?"
"Thai duck curry. Hey, didn't you make this back when you went through that cooking phase?" He gives me the fishy eye.
"Oh, hell, I might as well come clean about that. Wilson, that was all bullshit. I bought takeout from some Thai and French restaurants and put it in pots and passed it off as my own cooking."
He doesn't say anything, just raises one of those giant eyebrows and gives me the look that I know him well enough to know means he's none too happy about what I did but he doesn't think it's worth getting really upset about.
I put my arms around his shoulders and hug him from behind briefly, and then I go into the dining room and sit down with my wine glass.
"We need to talk about our relationship."
"At this time in the morning?! We screw; it's fun. I haven't had my breakfast yet and if you want to have this sort of conversation now I require bribery through macadamia nut pancakes. I can't do this on just my second cup of coffee."
"I'm not buying you off with pancakes!"
"Fine. I'm gonna grab this cereal."
"Fruit Loops?! What are you, House, eight?"
"No, if I was eight I would dump it all over looking for the prize instead of eating it out of a bowl with milk like this. Right before I'm SUPPOSED to be at work."
"I'm trying to tell you we need to be honest with the world about our relationship. What are you doing with those Fruit Loops?"
"This honest enough for you?"
"Did you just make yourself a freedom ring necklace out of dental floss and Fruit Loops?! You're not going to wear that to the hospital, are you?"