I've been in this exam room for what seems like ages...but it's really only been a few minutes. Time tends to feel slowed down when you've been in really bad pain and a nurse has been repeatedly jabbing a needle in your arms and the backs of your hands with no luck because you have tiny little angel hair pasta veins so you can't get an IV put in you properly. I have been trying so hard not to lose my temper with this very young male nurse, then a very pretty young woman in a doctor's coat walks in, looking flustered.
"Braylon, haven't you administered that yet?"
"I'm sorry, Dr. Cameron." He looks really embarrassed.
She turns to me. "I'm sorry I'm late, I had an argument with my boss." Unlike most doctors I've dealt with, she actually DOES look genuinely sympathetic. She takes the needle and gets it right into my arm quickly and smoothly and I feel the cold liquid flow into my arm and the pain starts to diminish almost immediately. Good old morphine.
As they take me down the hall on the gurney to go get a cat scan, Dr. Cameron tells me it sounds like I have a kidney stone but they want to confirm this, and that I will be given recorded cues when to hold my breath. My gurney happens to pass several people but the only one I manage to get a good look at is that House guy who made the funny comment about "nice my foot up somebody's ass". I feel too crummy to think of a particularly witty thing to say back so I just wave at him and say, "Hi, cutie!" and he gives me this really smug-looking grin and wiggles his eyebrows. The overall effect is funny rather than annoying and I laugh.
From somewhere behind me I hear someone with a strong Australian accent yell, "Oh, you gotta be kidding me!!"
I get parked just outside the cat scan room and wait. And wait. The pain is much, much less than it was.
And I fell asleep.